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About arguments and relationships
by ranfuchs @ 09/01/2008 - 08:36:39

I think that in my previous post I was taken too literally : )

All I really wanted (and probably miserably failed) was to bring a couple of examples of minor, insignificant, issues that can become source of tension, sometimes to the extent of destroying relationships.

Change the toilet by toothpaste, the horrible taste in clothes your partner has, or anything else and you can find dozens of examples how such small things has the potential to create so much tension in relationships, that otherwise could have been successful.

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tylluanpenrytylluanpenry pro
09/01/08 @ 09:15

I thought you made some good comments in your last post actually. It always amazes me when people fall out over small, petty things. When I got married I discovered my husband used to cut ALL the crusts off a loaf of bread, leaving a crumbly white mass on the bread board. But in the big scheme of things, what does it matter? I just baked an extra loaf and hid it away so he couldn't cut the crusts off that, too!

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 10:32

yes, to find someone that fits everything you dream about will probably lead to such broing relationship ;)

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tylluanpenrytylluanpenry pro
09/01/08 @ 17:08

Believe me, life with Mr Penry has never been boring!

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deleted user [Visitor]

09/01/08 @ 10:41

opposites attract in my opinion.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 10:47

attract yes. Can live together? a big question

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
09/01/08 @ 11:25

Really don't think those minor issues actually end a marriage not if you love the person...my hubby and I are completely different in many ways and he's got habits that drive me up the wall and vice versa, but these don't break up a marriage.. you work around them...I don't think you ever really loved the person in the first place if minor issues can break the relationship...they just get the blame instead of the bigger issues mostly to do with sexual incompatibility in many cases...big hugs

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 11:48

Do you know anyone that such things did break their marriage? Or at least make it unbearable?

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
09/01/08 @ 13:35

Not really...I know a lot of people who have divorced after many years together or a few but it's not really something you discuss too deeply with them...mostly they said we just grew apart, or the sex stopped, or one of them met somebody else...the minor things are very annoying only when the love is beginning to fade or is dead then they become intolerable...relationships are very finely balanced between give and take...if one side things the other does all the taking and they do all the giving, resentment builds up, which is another cause of a break up, but can be resolved with talking about it with each other...unfortunately, a lot of married couples don't really talk to each other...we never stopped,even if it was to yell at each other, which is probably why we're still together after all these years...still can't believe so long has passed..it really doesn't seem like it at all...big hugs...

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 13:38

It sounds like you have been very lucky with your relationship.

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
09/01/08 @ 13:55

I don't know about lucky, Ranfuchs, it's hard work and a heck of a lot of give and take on both sides, and enduring some awful experiences together, which usually breaks couples up like the death of our child, especially when I was in hospital and my hubby was looking after both the children...that might have broken up a lot of people, but all I could think was how absolutely dreadful for him to have to come and tell me this had happened and what he must have felt on finding our eight year old son dead in bed...and then my bouts of serious illness, which he saw me through, and I saw him through his, so life's knocks, or in our case bloody punches, has bonded us rather than split us up...:)

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 14:00

Wow, this is more than most people could take. Its amazing that your relationship got stronger, while so many relationships are broken for so much less.

So much I want to ask. Have you tried writing a book about it? I will be the first one to queue to get your autograph.

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
09/01/08 @ 15:17

Yes, thought about it and started it but realised there would have to be so many really personal parts to it that it would be really bad to put them into a book both for me and for the other people involved...Also, autobiographies are terribly subjective, and memories are very fragile in their accuracy...certain parts are obviously engrained in your memory because seriously traumatic but, for an autobiography to be valid, I think all the contents should be true and I can't guarantee that nor verify any uncertain facts now with other people because some are dead and others I'm no longer in contact with, or not to the extent I can check whether their and my memories tally...my life does seem to have been a mixture of heaven and hell on earth but have come through with a degree of contentment now that I never thought possible...don't actually want anything, like an autobiography actually being published, to spoil that...besides our son said you have to be famous for any publisher to bother with your autobiography today, Mum, when I mentioned I had written part of it...LOL...realised that was true so haven't finished it...big hugs....

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
09/01/08 @ 15:35

but you don't have to write is as autobiography, but more about lessons that you learnt from the ups and downs of life and how you reached the state of contentment. This may be much more interesting to the reader and publisher.

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
09/01/08 @ 17:20

That's a difficult approach, and unless I have some other selling point publishers simply aren't interested...loads of people have problems...why should mine be of any more interest than another's? I was born with an instinct to be friendly towards people...apparently I gurgled and smiled at anybody from the dustman to the neighbour who looked into my pram, I did, however, also wake up crying every morning, then I got over it and was happy for the rest of the day...HLOL...I probably knew subconsciously what was waiting for me in my future life then decided bugger it, might as well be happy while I can...:) Other people have said I should write my story down too but every time I've started it gets longer and longer because so much happened and to leave out bits makes the next bit make much less sense...these sound like excuses but they're not, they're experience...LOL...

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PrettyintelligentprincessPrettyintelligentprincess [Member]
09/01/08 @ 11:35

Ironically, your post created the point you were making!

trevor downer [Visitor]
http://joebangles.blog.co.uk
10/01/08 @ 16:13

Interesting post ranfuchs, La-spice directed me to it after reading one of my posts,

Cleo telephones her friend Millie, Millie says,

“You’re a bloody idiot, Cleo. What do you expect him to do? What would you do in that situation?
“He lied to me”
“All men lie. That’s how they operate. If you want a long term relationship with a man, you’ve got to understand it’s going to be with a liar. It’s in their nature - it’s generic, it’s a bloody Darwinian acquired characteristic for survival, OK? They tell you what they want you to hear”
“Great”
“Yep, well, it’s true. Women lie too, in different ways. I’ve lied about most of the orgasms Robert ever thinks I’ve had.”
“Dosen’t seem much of a basis to build a relationship on, lies”
“I’m not saying it’s all lies - I’m saying that if you are looking for perfection, Cleo, your going to end up alone”.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
10/01/08 @ 17:19

Love this :)

where id you post it? You don't seem to be part of blog.co.uk community

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
10/01/08 @ 17:21

actually you are. I wonder why you appeared as a visitor, and why the email appeared from you and not from info@blog.co.uk

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husbandorcathusbandorcat [Member]
12/01/08 @ 13:22

My hubby and I never argue about stuff like this. We may have different ways of doing things, but we just get on with it.
I tell myself this means we have a good relationship and I should be grateful.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
12/01/08 @ 13:41

well, it seems like your husband knows that you haven't decided him or a cat. If I had a cat as a competitor, I would have become the perfect husband too ;)

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husbandorcathusbandorcat [Member]
13/01/08 @ 11:33

Actually, I chose the cat, but Hubby stuck around too, and now he and the cat are best mates.
http://www.blog.co.uk/media/photo/dsc01388/318982

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
13/01/08 @ 17:10

I think I know what you mean. I wanted a rat, and ended up with an entire family :)

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
13/01/08 @ 17:11

I can't see your photo. Some system error. I keep getting: This photo does not exist or it is only available for friends. Please log in to view this photo

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husbandorcathusbandorcat [Member]
13/01/08 @ 17:24

Hmmm. All my photos other than profile photos appear to be 'private' and i can't work out how to make them public.
See if this link to the original post works:
http://husbandorcat.blog.co.uk/2005/12/01/every_picture_tells_a_story~351715

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
13/01/08 @ 17:31

As you are a friend, and I am logged in, I believe it's just a system error. On the other hand, the new link is working :)

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husbandorcathusbandorcat [Member]
13/01/08 @ 18:20

And will also link you to an early posting.
Right next to the Crazy Frog's first blog appearance, in fact.
So you can see that even after two years, I'm still going round in the same old circles :(

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
13/01/08 @ 20:04

im a new circle

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Melinda_blogMelinda_blog [Member]
20/01/08 @ 18:13

will you turn out to be any less circular than the old ones? :(

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 18:20

I am not linear

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Melinda_blogMelinda_blog [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:04

In other words - here we go round again

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:08

is linear and circular are the only curves you are familiar with?

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:15

Are you parabolic?

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:31

I can assume any conical section curve

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Melinda_blogMelinda_blog [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:37

So you'll never hit the origin.
How unoriginal.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 20:45

Only at the limit

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 21:02

I can't wait that long.
especially not with my broadband reception the way it is.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 21:12

limit is not long, this is when you start when r->0

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 21:17

So are you saying r

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 21:20

Whoa, half my formula disappeared.
What happened there?
I said:
r is less than or equal to zero.
which sounds about right

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 21:22

I just realised, you're not saying r greater than 0, but r tends to zero.
so, is r tending to 0?
or do I need to try harder?

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
20/01/08 @ 22:43

this time you are right :)

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
20/01/08 @ 23:55

Very clever.
But not an answer to my question

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
21/01/08 @ 08:36

this is the problem with clever. Too often it's irrelevant :>

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
21/01/08 @ 09:36

Hmmmmm... I'll think about that one

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
27/01/08 @ 20:37

Funny thing about circles.
Doesn't matter which way you go, you still end up back in the same place.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
27/01/08 @ 20:45

only if they are small enough

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
27/01/08 @ 20:48

No, I think you'll find that the value of r is immaterial.
as long as you keep going for long enough

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
27/01/08 @ 20:49

this is extrapolation only. You have no proof

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
27/01/08 @ 21:03

By definition.
That's the nature of circles.
You can't argue with geometry.

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
27/01/08 @ 21:06

yes I can. As soon as you started talking about going, you have left the realm of Euclidian geometry, and moved to the realm of physics.

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
27/01/08 @ 21:14

Well, if you say so.
Who am i to argue?

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
27/01/08 @ 21:21

you are someone with a PhD, who probably knows about what I am talking about than I know myself

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
27/01/08 @ 21:23

Not necessarily.
My PhD is not in either Euclidean geometry, or physics. Or even metaphysics.

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husbandorcathusbandorcat [Member]
26/01/08 @ 20:23

I never said he was the perfect husband.
Just that we never argue.
Maybe I'm the perfect wife ;)

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
26/01/08 @ 23:43

is not arguing good?

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Melinda_blogMelinda_blog [Member]
26/01/08 @ 23:53

Not necessarily

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
21/01/08 @ 10:13

OK, think this had better be a new comment - I'm running out of screen.
now I've finally tracked down this sequence, what I wanted to say is:
Just don't go all hyperbolic on me and fly off to infinity.
PS my memory of plane geometry is hazier than my memory of Greek mythology

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ranfuchsranfuchs [Member]
21/01/08 @ 10:32

ok, you will catch up on the mythology, I'll take care of geometry

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CassandraofTroyCassandraofTroy [Member]
21/01/08 @ 18:07

Oh, I can cope with the geometry as well.
Just been rather a long time since I needed to think about it.
I'm sure my son could give me a crash course.
(or else an asymptotic course)

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